Monday, October 20, 2008

back to life, back to reality

So I woke up this morning, well, I was woken up by lil' man at 5 AM!, and thought, ok today will be a better day. Not so much. I know God's mercies are new every day, but mercy just doesn't feel like enough. I need superhuman strength... and yes, I know He will also provide strength and comfort - honestly, I'm just not feelin' it. I have not walked away from my faith. I have not abandoned God, though I feel abandoned by Him. I just want some peace in my heart and not this daily sorrow. I will continue to pray that this is just a part of walking through grief...not a life-sentence. I do have joy-husband, kids, family, friends...just still am in wonder that this is my life now (and my dad's, sister etc.) that is life without my mom. Inconcievable. Totally.


esimpson said...

I was reading in Psalms today, and I thought of you.
"Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the lord will never lack any good thing."...
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
I wish that I could tell you that the sadness will go away, but it has been more than 10 years since my Dad died, and I still miss him tremendously. I will tell you this:
It becomes easier to handle, and you will become a stronger person for it. And, though it may be hard now, you will find yourself occasionally remembering good times without any sadness, but only joy. For you have had the privilege of being raised by a loving, christian woman and the experiences that you shared together can never be taken away.
I love you!

The Kolbeck Trio said...

Sweet Mel...I wish I could take your pain away for you. I don't know what its like to lose a mother, but I know what it feels like to lose a wonderful, loving aunt. I'm so sad not to have her around, but I'm so thankful that she is with the Lord. I know there are not enough words to give you comfort, but I do pray for you, your sister and your father every day...I pray that you all have the strength to get through your trials and tribulations. Know always that she is with us in our hearts and memories, and we will see her soon. What brings me through the sorrow is thinking of how she is with Him, laughing and loving, and also, that she and Pop-pop are together again!!

I love you...we all love you, and our prayers are with you. We miss you...kiss the precious ones for me and hopefully we can all get together in the spring.

Love you!
Kate & Lilly