Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Hard Things

A letter to my oldest:

      This school year is drawing to a close today.  Dad and I cannot be prouder of you!  When you first started hinting that you wanted to go back to public school, I'm not going to lie, it was hard for me.  It felt as if I had failed you, failed to make homeschool this thing you wouldn't want to leave.   Eventually, the Lord opened my eyes to how selfish that thinking was:  it wasn't about me:)  You needed something, some place, different.  You really are a social kid and while you do have siblings, it was those peer relationships you were missing.  And, let's be really honest, you and I can clash spectacularly in our day-to-day interactions.
    So after much prayer, and a few tears on my part, we decided to send you back.  I tried not to envision lions in the gladiator arena circling you, waiting to snatch you up.  But it was hard.  I was scared of how that place would change you.  Again, I didn't trust that those years at home and laid the foundation you would need to navigate those hallways.  And here's the thing.  You wrestled so many lions, but YOU did it!  You encountered discrimination (against homeschoolers of all things), and bullying, and so many transitional challenges in the classroom and in the lunchroom and everywhere.  But you did it.  You even went out for the football team, a sport you knew nothing about and had only played as a 5-year-old.  And again, it was hard.  You had no idea what to do or where to run or where to stand and who to tackle.  But you never complained or didn't want to go.
    You know who you are and what makes you feel connected and fulfilled.  You trusted the Lord and I didn't.  But now I know.  You showed me God and His unfailing love and His promise that He has only good for us.
    So today you wrap up this amazingly hard thing.  We love you.  You are prayed for and loved by so many family members and friends and you're on to the next hard thing.  This time I'll remember - God is with you and for you and you are awesome and amazing and no matter what that next hard thing is, you'll be just fine.