Wednesday, March 25, 2009

One of my friends from grad school came over today with her two precious kiddos. Her daughter is year younger than EK and her son is one month younger than lil'man.. Lots of fun today! It is always good to spend time with other women who share your core beliefs and it can lead to some interesting discussions too. I read somewhere recently that when God is trying to tell her something He presents it in threes - a sermon, a bible passage, and a conversation with a friend, for example. I am finding a similar experience holds true in my life, but sadly I think He may need more than 3 times to get my thick-headed attention! Anyhoo, one of these happened while dealing with His conviction about spending time in the Word, as I posted about earlier. Most recently, it's been about submission. Yes, I said it, my husband...I's a dirty word these days. Nevertheless, I believe the Word of God to be God breathed thereby pretty darn clear about how I should live. Before I go any further, if there happens to be any one who reads this who doesn't actually know me or know my past, I will only say at this point that that in itself deserves its own post and to be as quick as possible, God totally saved me from myself. OK, so coming to "terms" with God and His word was/is a journey of struggle in which I say to God, Ok I get it, I love you and believe you. Then, I doubt. Him, who He says He is, what He says He did/does the whole shebang. It is a rotten path to walk and I desperately don't want to live it anymore (don't worry, I'm not talking about checking out here, just being tired of the fight). In His kindness, He has revealed to me that this is all me. THe fight is all one sided. He's NOT pushing me away, He's not changing such that it should arise my suspicion. He's constant. And if I am truly concerned/desiring to not feel this way, then perhaps I should quit my complaining and commit to GET TO KNOW HIM!!! Jeez Louise! What a no-brainer...and yet, here I am 35 and just now getting around to commiting to reading His word, in its entirety. So back to submission -thanks for coming with me on that tanget... I do know this much. My marriage works better and I am more content when I stop worrying about every possible emotion that might be behind each word my husband does or does not say and just be his wife. Serve him how the Lord wants me to -and NO this does not being a doormat. It truly breeds respect and honor for my husband and in turn the Sgt is off the hook. He doesn't have to worry about making me happy - he can't, at least not in the way that God can. And in that the Sgt. is free to be himself and that is a man who loves me and wants to make me happy. True it's not a perfect equation all the time. There are days when my servitude goes unnoticed - my instinct is to go, poor me, no one is noticing all that I've done today! But, if I can step outside of myself and go to God with those feelings, I always walk away knowing that it's ok. My selfishness is forgiven and my real joy is in the service, as I am glorifying Him in the act, not the outcome. WARNING - I fail...a lot. There are days when I think this stinks, all I want is a pat on the back, a jeez your day must have been hard I can see the kids really tore up the house, etc. But at the end of the day, I ask myself, is it easier to love the person who complains about all that doesn't get done for her? Or for the gal who says yes it's been tough, but I'm so happy to see you and that you're here for dinner? I'm just sayin'! I'll post more on this later since I know I've not bee super clear here and I've got to go right now. The Sgt is out of town and I have to get dinner on the table to me and kids, then pick up the house, get everyone bathed, ready for bed...not that I'm complaining:)

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