Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Joy and Hope...with reservations...







It amazing how God steps in to hold us up when we cannot possible stand up on our own. I know that I could not possibly walk into that NICU every day without His invisible hand literally propping me up. I just can't. Jeff and I say we put on our "game face" before we head in to see Ryan. We shed the worry and fear and focus on soothing him, talking to him, reassuring him, praying over him, and now holding him! But it seems that the "high" we often have felt after leaving our boy fades as the worry, fear, doubt etc. come creeping back in. We try to combat it with prayer and talking it all out with dad and my sister, but it is very difficult. At times we feel like we are better served setting a low bar each day, in order to be pleasantly surprised if things have gone well.
After a great day yesterday, he was stable all night, but when they tried to decrease his O2 by some percentage points, he couldn't hold his own. Now the rational side of me says, "give him some time. Up until this point he has always been slower to move on to the next step, and look how far we've come in 6 days." But somewhere in my humaness, I am shaken. I want to stick my fingers in my ears and wait until it's only good news. Keep the set backs (if this even really is one) to yourself. Or, if we have BAD news, just tell me and let me get started on the process of falling apart completely...
Prayer warriors, today we need you to lift Ryan up for his head ultra-sound, the ability for him to wean down on the O2, a clearer chest x-ray. Please remember my boy. It is a mothers plea.

3 comments:

Momma C said...

We are holding up your arms, sweet Momma.

Bob Phelps said...

Melanie, et al.
Thanks so much for taking time to do these updates. Sure helps those of us who are far away from you to know what's happening there without having to take time we know you don't have away from Ryan and one another. Be assured of our continuing prayers for you, Ryan, and the whole family.
Bob at Providence

Kathy Stevenson said...

Melanie and all,

Your "family" members here in Fernandina do have all of you in our prayers, especially Ryan. We pray for you, Jeff, Art, Karen & Chad. We pray for the strength that you need each day, both physically and emotionally, The strength to hold on to your faith and to not let doubts consume you. Our love and blessings, Kathy and John Stevenson