Sunday, August 8, 2010

I'm Full of It

What in the world is going on with me?  Is this the 3rd post in 24 hours?  Good gravy y'all.  Well, here it is.  I"m full of it.  Now, now Karen, not that "it".  I'm full of, well, Him.  There has been this tide of His mercy in my life over the past 2 weeks.  Coming home from FL and leading up to homeschooling - in between, conversations of moving, talks with dear friends who will apparently miss me (who knew I was miss-able;) pulls to join or not join a bible study; struggles over discernment for being a godly wife and speaking what I believed to be truth (or did I just want to be right?); fighting my sin of wanting to control my children rather than instruct and lead them; not falling on my knees in humility to ask for grace and direction instead of clawing my way through the day desperate for the rest that only quiet time with His Word can provide; and really just miserable for Him.  Looking back over the past few years, it is with wonderment that I can see how He drew me up from the desolate pit out of the miry bog and set my feet upon a rock making my steps secure.  He put a new song in my mouth a song of praise to our God.[ Psalm 40:2]  It is also heartbreaking to acknowledge that even with this miracle, in my sinfulness I find myself inching back towards that pit.  No matter how clearly I see the miry bog and know its darkness, there is in the Christian walk a point of exhaustion I think that comes sometimes in the constantly seeking after Him.  A weariness that can be overcome quite efficiently by following that same route - seek after Him.  Yet, in that moment of choice, the hole seems so easy.  Just step over the edge and fall.  And so it is with renewed humility that I hold on to the hem and find myself hanging back over the side of the pit, legs dangling, heaving in the effort to do my share this time so that He didn't  have to pull me out entirely on his own strength - ha!  That's a good one.  As if I somehow helped Him drag me up and over!  Nevertheless, here I am.  Hope renewed and desperate for Him.  The new week holds promise.  Fresh starts.  Grace and mercy all around!  Praying that your week too is full of fresh starts, even if you're no where near a pit:)

1 comment:

Aunt LaLa said...

Melanie, Your struggle is common to ALL who believe in the Lord. You aren't alone, and it ISN'T just you! I do NOT understand/fully grasp the Lord/our relationship...but I KNOW I need HIM, want HIM, can't live without any relationship, it has ups and downs...but UNLIKE any other relationship, it is Divine, everlasting, and Unbreakable! So go ahead and BE a flawed Human! We are Forgiven and Free! NO matter what you do, you belong to HIM!