Discernment

As we have begun this journey of praying, researching, and discussing homeschooling, I have learned so much about myself already. As a mom, wife, follower of Christ, this process has forced me to clarify those statements I have for so long made about myself. It hurts a bit, this refinement He is walking me through. I am not unbruised. Things that I have long clung to, I am having to release. Ways of thinking, safe ways of thinking, I am having to turn over in my hands to look at from a different perspective, and say, "oh, wow, look at that, it's totally different over on this side." Most painful, was the realization that I shared with Jeff this morning. I don't think for myself very often. In my laziness, which I have posted about before, I have simply gone along with the crowd, whichever crowd I was in at the time. This is not to say that in a group of unbelievers I just up and abandon my faith, but I will hang back, not speak too loudly, perhaps not defend Him at all? And so, as I scour other's accounts of homeschooling, I am drawn to those who emphasize a Classical approach - there is much memorization and narration initially, which evolves into more independent reading with the ultimate goal of rhetoric and in a Christian environment, "mastering" the Apologetics. We so desire our children to be able to intelligently and articulately defend their faith. To head out into this great big world and be strong believers, sure of Who they follow, and be unafraid to speak FOR HIM. We are only wading in here, so I know this post leaves much unanswered and unclear - as it is my mind! Additionally, I am very emotional right now - lack of sleep perhaps since last night I was totally under attack from satan - dredging up every bad thing I have ever done. In.My.Life. YUCK! Prayed all through the night and did manage a few hours of rest, but certainly am very touchy today as a result. There is comfort in knowing that he doesn't spend time on those who are not drawing closer to God, but geez louise, GET BEHIND ME SATAN!!! I need some dang sleep:)