Monday, July 5, 2010
Ok. Deep breath. So I have lost many of those pesky pregnancy pounds, there are still a few that mistakenly believe I am their mothership and simply will not go back to their home planet Cellulite. Oh well. And, in the name of transparency, which by the way is the same shade of white that is my skin right now, I should mention that my recent diet vacation has consisted of pop-tarts, cheez-its, and Diet Dr. Pepper. I know, Diet Dr. Pepper, why bother. Just go ahead and drink the real deal for cryin' out loud. But I am a product of the 80's where it made total sense to order the Big Mac meal, with a Diet Coke. Cuz I was 13 and thought that 123 pounds and hip bones that jutted out were what made me undateable. Not my inability to carry on a conversation with anyone remotely resembling a boy. But I digress. Sort of. Because my rant today is really a coming full circle kind of thing bringing me back to my deep seeded body issues. Those being: I don't like my body. I know. How original right? But seriously. I wish I were one of those women who could embrace the blue veins and stretch marks as badges of honor for bearing 4 children and blah, blah, blah. But I'm shallow and vain and I want to grab that 13 year old girl by the shoulders and scream in her braced toothed face,"You are thin and while boobless right now, they will come later and be more trouble than they're worth, so just enjoy the fact that you can buy jeans in a single digit size." UGH! Please do not send me comments about this (Karen and Heidi:)) I love my life and this is a passing hell that I'm in. I'm just sayin' - it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. This manic phase is of course caused by the need to buy a new bathing suit. Yes, I will be entering the first circle of hell in about an hour - a poorly illuminated dressing room in which every wall is in fact a mirror that must be made in Taiwan or some other country where crap is porrly made because there's no way in the Holy Land that I ACTUALLY look like THAT!!!!! Prayer teams should be assembled before we do this to ourselves. Full makeover and spray tan booths should be set up outside of the department stores. Ok, I got it out of my system. I'm ok. But, if you don't hear from me in a day or two, check the Macy's in Joplin where I may still be passed out and in shock.